Procuring the Pouncealot
by Parad0xotaur
Summary: The Champion of Kirkwall uses her connections to get Ser Pounce-a-lot to Kirkwall. Pleased Anders shows his appreciation. F!Hawke/Anders. Rated M.


This silly fic resulted from a prompt on the k!meme. Author!(No-longer)Anon is posting it here to fix typos, improve formatting, add some minor plot points, etc.

Rate M for smut. Cute and fluffy (and furry).

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><p><strong>Hawke<strong>: "Hey Merrill, what's that thing you do with the Eluvian? Scrying? Know anyone near Amarantine?"

**Merrill**: "Um...yes, actually. Ilshae's clan should be near there this side of the Arlathvenn."

**Hawke**: "Uh, right...what's that? Er, never mind. Cool. Can you scry someone for me and have them get Anders' cat? He responds to 'Ser Pounce-a-lot'. My cousin's the Warden Commander so...if they need a ship out, it all should be cool."

**Merrill**: "Actually, that might not be necessary. One moment..."

**Eluvian**: "Scry, scry, scry."

**Velanna**: "Hello?"

**Merrill**: "Ilshae?"

**Velanna**: Clears throat. "She...isn't available right now. Can I help you?"

**Merrill**: "Oh, hi Velanna, this is Merrill. Um, could you...do me a favor?"

**Velanna**: "...Perhaps."

**Merrill**: "Have you seen a cat around? Goes by the name of, um, 'Ser Pounce-a-lot'?"

**Velanna**: "Is a _fool_-headed mage called '_Anders_' looking for him? I found his cat wandering about Kal'Hirol. I suppose he wants him back?"

**Merrill**: "Well, yes, but it's actually a surprise for him...from his lover."

**Velanna**: "Ah! So he isn't planning on ogling my quote unquote tattoos or making fun of my ears?"

**Merrill**: "Nope, he's not even here."

**Velanna**: "K. I'll be right there."

**Merrill**: "Velanna will be here in a moment."

**Hawke**: "What? ...How?"

**Merrill**: "She has a rare ability. You'll see."

Velanna root-bampfs into Merrill's bedroom.

**Velanna**: "Merrill?"

**Merrill**: "In here, Velanna."

**Hawke**: "Ack! How did she-"

Ser Pounce-a-lot bolts away from Velanna, into Merrill's lap, shivering.

**Merrill**: "There, there, kitty." Pets scared Pounce-a-lot.

**Velanna**: "You live _here_?"

**Merrill**: "Ahem, Velanna, this is Anders' lover, Hawke."

**Hawke**: "'Sup?"

**Velanna**: "...Nothing much." Mutters, "Shem."

**Hawke**: "Sorry?"

**Velanna**: "Merrill, she doesn't even have the old gift."

**Merrill**: "Ahm, well, would you like some tea, Velanna?"

**Velanna**: "No, gotta get back. Shems to scorch." Glances at Hawke, eying her up and down.

**Merrill**: "Well then! Ma serannas for the favor. Glad to see you are well."

**Velanna**: "Whatever." Root-bampf.

**Pounce-a-lot**: "Meow!"

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><p><strong>Anders<strong>: "SER POUNCE-A-LOT!"

**Pounce-a-lot**: "Purr, purr."

**Dog**: "Aroo?"

**Pounce-a-lot**: "HISSSSZZ!"

**Anders**: "Ouch! Pounce! Hawke! ! Can you get your Dog out of here?"

**Hawke**: "You heard him."

Dog hangs head, sulks out. Hawke shuts door. Pounce-a-lot hops off Anders, curls up on rug in front of the fire.

**Anders**: "Thank you, Hawke. How did you-"

**Hawke**: "OH! It took...um, ahm...forEVER! But...you're worth it." Rubs her nose to his, then steals a kiss as only a rouge can.

**Anders**: "Well, have you heard of 'Hobbit Birthdays'?"

**Hawke**: "Um, no. ...Are they related to dwarves, by chance?"

**Anders**: "Exactly...maybe. But, that's not the point. In a Hobbit birthday, the one celebrating gives the gifts..." Waggles his brows.

**Hawke**: "Oh-ho! Too bad they only happen once a year..." Slow kiss, bites his bottom lip.

Anders passionately attacks her face with kisses, moves to her neck, unfastens her tunic while moving to her breasts, (literally) rips off her skirt, throws her onto the bed, casts Haste onto himself, then eats her out while electricity arcs off his tongue.

**Hawke**: "OH- *pant* *pant* OH- *pant* AAAAANNNDDDDEEEERRRRSSSS!"

**Dog**: "Woof, woof, woof! Grrrooowwl..."

**Pounce-a-lot**: Looks up drowsily. "Meow?"

**Hawke**: "*pant* *pant* We're... *pant* ...we're fine, boy."

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><p>AN: my first anon-fic. *blushy*

Update: Hobbit reference counts as crossover...?


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